Creating boundaries is a healthy habit for your overall well-being, but it can actually succeed in making the most confident person feel insecure. Feelings of awkwardness can stem from the context in which the boundary needs to be established, rather than having to establish the boundary itself. Say for instance you undergo an internal psychospiritual shift and decide to change your name, yet people are determined to recognize and acknowledge your former self. To them, a name is just a superficial appellation or thing to be called, but to you, it's deeper than that. Regardless of who it is, your elder or colleague, it may be challenging for you to correct them, but your loyalty to self is more important. While you may not mind telling them the truth about how you feel, addressing the disrespect might be a little uncomfortable. Remember, it's not always what you say but how you say it. You can recalibrate the vibe without reciprocating disrespect. Here's how you can set the record straight.
1) Be Direct, Be Concise.
It is important to be direct and straight to the point. Don't tiptoe, and don't beat around the mulberry bush. Let the person know that you are looking to create boundaries, why you want to create boundaries, and what those boundaries are. When you give off indecisive vibes, not only are your feelings easier to ignore, but you can ultimately confuse the person you are talking to and end up having to constantly repeat yourself. Who wants that? Being direct will ensure that you set in stone what your boundaries are and what your expectations are moving forward.
2) Personal Permission
As stated above, setting boundaries can be scary. Often people believe that they are doing something wrong or are being selfish, both of which are not true. Believing that can create sickness in your mind, which can potentially manifest as physical symptoms. Give yourself full permission to take up space in your own life by having that internal conversation before you proceed. Dismantle the belief that you are doing wrong and you will be able to set boundaries easier and with more self-respect.
3) Start Small
If you are still a bit skeptical about boundaries, how to set them, or if you should set them, then start small. Set a simple boundary such as only talking on the phone for 10 minutes or not responding to texts during work hours, something very manageable. Newer phones have built-in features to help control productivity, but you can also download apps to assist with this. By doing this you are able to gauge the feeling of boundary setting, how it works, and how it benefits you. This will also give you the space to prepare for future boundaries you may want to set.
4) Stand on Your Square, Don't Waver.
If you are close with the people whom you are setting boundaries with then the conversation might be even more awkward. They may not understand why the boundary needs to be set or they may even take offense to it. Let it be the year of "I SAID WHAT I SAID". Explaining to them why you need to establish the boundary could help them to understand your position. Don't let them talk you out of it, or talk you into changing your boundary, because this can do more harm in the future.
By sticking to what you said, you are establishing that this is what you want and this is what you are going to get. At that point, the other person can choose whether they want to be around you or not. You will walk out feeling much more empowered and relieved if you stick to your original boundary.
5) Don't Try to Fix Others
You are setting boundaries for your well-being, not for others. In doing this you could possibly help others realize that they have toxic traits, but it does not mean you are responsible to rectify them. You are only responsible for yourself.
If you are setting boundaries to help out someone else then you are setting them for the wrong reasons. This practice should strictly be on your behalf and your behalf only. Others are responsible for saving themselves.
By staying true to yourself, being direct, giving yourself permission to do so, and starting small you are making great leaps toward a life that better reflects what you desire.
Best of luck in the pursuit.
peace + purple