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  • Duchess-Simone

Stop Offering Me Food I Don't Fucking Eat

Yes, you, Case 1

The gentleman who invites me to holiday dinner and thinks you're being polite by offering me the only seemingly consumable vegetable on your spread that just so happens to be romaine salad drenched in Caesar dressing and parmesan cheese. While you ignore my disdain and intolerance of dairy, I see you've inherited the 'ignorant as fuck' gene from your mother --- the individual who for some odd reason is insulted that I refuse to eat around the smoked ham hock in her collard greens.


Better yet, Case 2

We galavant through Shoreditch to dine at our favorite Chinese restaurant for old time's sake. Your company is endearing, but I couldn't help but notice it all go to complete shit once we're seated and you suggest I take a spoonful of your chicken fried rice because it's "just so damn good". You know I don't eat that shit, and you need to relax and eat your damn food. Don't choke.


Similarly, Case 3

Now we haven't seen each other in a long time, and we've decided to link up at an OG South Philly Italian pizzeria. I order a summer salad with french fries, and you order a cheese pizza with anchovies and mushrooms. You are probably hoping that I am too entranced in remembering how good it feels to be in your company by the way I was gazing into your smiling eyes to notice that you are still the same fucktard. While your mustache danced to our less than choreographed dialogue, our plates come out, and you commence to offering me a bite of your cheesy fishy pizza and I instantly want to knock your fucking head off. Bro, sit the fuck down and eat your fucking food.


What is wrong with you people?


Does it not occur to you that if I wanted to teeter on the brink of death, I would just order something that I haven't eaten in years?


Furthermore, you need to know that you are not being polite, but you're actually being ignorant as fuck. I don't think people understand how insensitive it is to offer someone food they do not eat.


Tell me, would you offer a recovering alcoholic a glass of wine at a dinner meeting, if you knew they enjoyed sobriety? Would you offer a cigarette to a reformed smoker who went through hell to quit smoking? Would you offer a rehabilitating drug addict a line of cocaine? I hear it's made a comeback with the young kids in Hollywood these days....


If you've answered no to any of those questions, then why do you think it is OK for you to offer someone food they don't eat?


But Purple, what's the big deal?


Oh, I thought you'd never ask.


While it's annoying to repeat myself, it's more disconcerting when to have this constant redundant conversation with people that profess to love and care for me. They offer me shit I don't eat and foods that I otherwise don't miss, and ten times out of ten, I'm left glaring at these MF's with the death stare like "You know damn well I do not want a bite of your fucking chicken satay! I haven't had it in years, do you know what it could do to my insides? I could become gravely ill, it could burn a hole in my insides, you just don't ever know.


It's worst when the people who offer me things I don't eat think they're being polite and are not receptive to when I explain to them how their words and actions affect me.


It's just downright fucking selfish. It's like these people are just so caught up in their own perception of themselves in wanting to the point where they ignore my needs, and the way I have chosen to live my life.


They want to feel comfortable knowing that they've offered me something to eat because they're just "looking out" for me. But don't even fucking realize that they accomplish the exact opposite of that.


Listen up gentlemen, your offers make me feel unseen and ignored. I don't feel like you take me seriously, and I don't have to tolerate it anymore. Not from anyone.


Offering me something I have no use for, and could otherwise make me sick is the biggest offense you could commit.


Get it together.