Meet Duchess, The "Other" One.
Meet Duchess, the other one.
Whenever Duchess encounters one of the others either on social media or in real life, her mind usually wanders in the realm of “she is gorgeous”, “can’t blame him for that”, or “okay, I get it…I'm not even mad at it.” In most cases, these thoughts are followed by a head nod of approval.
I learned how to be comfortable with the truth of a man’s pursuits when I decided to no longer be blinded by them. In my early twenties, I almost married a guy who I shared just about every bit of myself with, and I’d like to think he did the same. I was comfortable with him having female friends, as many of them existed before our relationship started. They could be in and around our love portrait under one condition: he had to tell me if they were ever intimate in any capacity, and I trusted him to tell the truth. For the most part, he came right out and said if it was a brief one or two time fling, or whether they regularly fucked each other stupid for months at a time. I couldn't be mad at the truth, I just wanted to know.
My boyfriend's female friends were all levels of fine, because who doesn't want to be around bad bitches? I still never assumed the worst, and chose to exercise serious trust with him. But with that, I also exercised my very monogamous girlfriendly right to say who I did and didn’t want around, based on their physical involvement and to my knowledge he respected that. There were no oppositions. We did not maintain friendships with [former] fuck buddies. It was easy to maintain my end of the bargain because I never kept guys around long, anyway.
I learned how to be comfortable with the truth of a man’s pursuits when I decided to no longer be blinded by them.
Until one god awful day in September, I noticed my future hubby was being less candid about his feminine companions. This bothered me because A, our relationship was predicated on openness and trust, and B, I knew he maintained open lines of communication with them ALL. My boyfriend and I were the couple who were best friends who gave each other friendship advice whenever dealing with the opposite sex, because we thought like our respective genders 90% of the time.
When I asked him why he began sharing less about his lady friends (old and new), his response was “to protect you from getting jealous”.
Now, what would make me, his girlfriend, his pride and joy, his one and only gumdrop jealous of an innocent platonic friendship?
I knew all too well what that meant, but I allowed time unveil the breadcrumb trail. The man I was dedicating my life and loyalty to felt pressured to hide his companions from me in order to “protect me”, even though the floor was always open for conversation about them. He did not want interaction with his female friends (and fuck buddies) to be compromised, but was rendered powerless when confronted by my one condition. His incapability to communicate his need for plenty of women caused him to succeed in hurting me rather than protecting me.
Some would say I've managed to succumb to the evil agenda of side chicks, but that's a limited perception of thought. My views on monogamy and relationships have changed since then, but my fundamentals of love have not. I still uphold mutual respect and trust, as that's a strong foundation of love. I allow my needs and the understanding of my needs to evolve with me as I continue to grow over life.
I realized that I just don't care about certain things anymore, and since I'm not exactly in the running for "Mrs. TakeHisLastName", a man's desire to be with other women doesn't bother me the way it used to. I don't even want to be exclusive to one man; dare I not demand what I don't want to give.
Hell, I encourage my guy friends to pursue other women all the time, because why not? The next woman just might be capable of providing him with something that I alone am unable to fulfill. The connections I have with the men in my life range in depth, and I do not know the intricacies of what each one needs. I just know what I am interested in fulfilling within each of them. Does that make me weak, no. Incompetent, no. If anything, it's a relief for me, and a good time for the next sista in tow.
So kill the shade, sis. I'm willing to share the wealth. My perception is rooted in honest experience and good intentions. If you have any love for the man in our lives the way you say you do, and it's not about nuptials and silver bands, cease manifesting bad karma. Save yourself the trouble and stop hating me.
I’ll always be the favorite.
the other one