"Just Keep it Real With Me."
Men don't like to talk, or so that's what I grew up hearing.
Being the talker I am, this concept made it easy for me to have a skewed perception of what balanced and healthy communication should look like in a relationship. I like to talk so much I talk to myself because I not only enjoy my company, but I have a passion for expressing myself. Unfortunately that passion was often met with resistance during my calmer days back when I was living on a humbug. I just went with the flow of life and would have my pick from the gentlemen who expressed interest. That passive perspective made me more susceptible to being dissatisfied because I ended up becoming more self-conscious than I needed to be. I became reluctant to speak up and ask relevant questions in relationships, even though I needed and wanted clarity, validation, and understanding.
I became involved with a handsome guy who was a self proclaimed non-talker. He and I only engaged in robust conversations when there was a problem or misunderstanding. We didn't talk too much about our passions, pursuits, politics, none of that. We laughed and joked about episodes of Fresh Prince and funny memes on the internet, but it stopped there. He didn't have much substance to contribute, which left me feeling pretty stagnant.
He only ever offered a hearty chat when he was irritated with me getting attention from other guys, especially those trolling my instagram. Aside from speaking on his masculinity being threatened, holding a conversation was deemed both challenging and pointless for him. It was like pulling teeth for simple things like "how was your day?", "what about this hobby interests you?" or "don't say you love me if you can't tell me why. If you do why?" to more complex things like "what are your thoughts on the global warming?", "why or why don't you believe in reincarnation?"
I know you're probably reading this thinking, how could Purple stick it out with someone like that and to be honest the answer is quite simple: the sex was bomb. But once the last few drops evaporated, I moved on with a new attitude. I didn't allow his lack of communication or transparency to hinder the way I connected with other men. If anything it made me raise my standards, and open my mouth--- in the traditional sense of gaining the courage to ask simple and uncomfortable questions.
Over time, I made note of the questions that men found the most delightful and as well as the most disturbing. This non-exhaustive list of questions have all been prefaced with the simple phrase "just keep it real with me". This approach led to many a memorable conversations with dispensable and unforgettable men alike.
Answers are sold separately.
why do you crave to be graced with the waters from the violet hydrant but run away wincing if the pressure is too intense?
why do know you deserve better, but settle for what I'm willing to give?
how does it feel to settle for my bare minimum?
wouldn't you rather have the peace of a whole instead of the piece of a hole?
how can my brashness turn you off, if you're also soo excited by it?
why don't you let your mom pick your woman since you're always comparing me to her?
have you thought about grooming one in her likeness?
why is my idea of 'nice' not sufficient?
why is my sincerity bewildering?
why do you make me flex when my intent is to ''chill''?
why do you like it when I act out?
how are you enticed by mystique, but want to know the ins and outs of my life?
why are you unsettled with my need for distance?
why don't you seek stability if that's what you really want?
why don’t you pursue malleable, conventional, and wholesome women?
why do you insist on making me your something to complain about?
why do you want things from me I’m not interested in giving, like emotive communication?
why do you underestimate your ability to catch yourself from falling in love with me?
why can’t you realize that you don’t compartmentalize as well as you think?
why do you think I’m willing to make an exception for you if I outwardly say I don't want a relationship?
how come you didn't read the fine print before you signed the dotted line?
why are you hell bent on not taking me serious?
you said you wanted me because I wasn't like the others, so why are you trying to assimilate me into your collection of scorned lovers?
why do you hassle me by begging for my attention with no intent other than to waste my time? do you realize that makes you undesirable and unattractive?
how come you insist on giving me both tangible and abstract things you think I lack instead of supplying what I ask?
who raised you? is this monstrosity before me what they were really aiming for?
do you understand the difference? sex is the act, but intimacy is the goal.
don't you think I might get enough lust from the outside world? if you don't want to be treated like the others, why do you assume their tendencies?
why are you discontent with the fact that I don't want the weight of being anything other than The Duchess in your life?