Building Up Mr. LetDown
My flight touched down at 11:00 PM, and Mr. LetDown himself agreed to pick me up from the airport. How lucky was I. Yeah right. Hopefully for the sake of his pride, my dignity and my mental health, he’ll be on time. Unbeknownst to him, this was his last and final attempt to prove himself worth keeping. This was his chance to prove to me that he was more than a six foot five bronze dipped decadent melanin prince with a staff of brass.
The fasten your seatbelt sign went off, and I went to text Mr. LetDown to let him know I had landed safely on schedule. But before I could even open our thread, I get a notification that read “15 mins late”.
My eyes roll heavenward. Everything in me wanted to respond “never mind”, and call a car but I replied "OK", and grabbed my luggage from the overhead instead. I’m heading down the isle of the plane in what feels like slow motion, as I reconsider my reasons for involving him in my travel plans. It’s clear that I am a glutton for his consistent unreliability. No other explanation. I must love having something to complain about. I mean, seriously Duch, what else could explain why you settle for this? Taking advantage of my own needs, as an excuse to “see where his mind is” like I just met him two days ago. I know where his mind is, and it’s not on me. Maybe I wanted to entertain the possibility of him having changed. Maybe I secretly wanted more from him, and didn't have the balls to stand up to myself for myself. Does that make me foolish? Crazy? Any other woman would be.
Mr. LetDown and I have never really been on one accord and not demanding more from one another has kept things afloat. If we don’t agree on anything else, we satisfy each other’s need for distance. We’ll go months without speaking, only using Instagram as the social mediator. Every now and then he'll 'like' something of mine, and will send heart eyes as a reply to my sexy silhouettes and titty pics. I'll slide into his DM's with tongues and water droplets when he's on my timeline looking too damn fine. We have no shame in our indulgences. This 'at arms length' type of communication lasts for about six to eight months. I'm usually the one to open the personal communication by sending an unexpected "I'm in the city, come get this ass" ass message.
But this time was different. I gave him a weeks notice. Told him that all this Purple would be ready for pick up from the airport on Thursday night. At the very least he could have been on time, but that would be too much like right. Walking through the terminal, dodging germs and eye contact with onlookers through my designer sunglasses, I all but lament my initial question. "What was I to gain dealing with him" I thought about my initial question.
Ok, sure he inspires me creatively, but I'm always compelled to write about the way he leaves me craving more from life and from men.
He's nothing like that crisp and refreshing carbonated beverage that satisfies your craving kind of man. He’s more like the store bought off brand beverage that you have to drink right away because it loses potency within the hour. Mr. LetDown is the kind of man who shows up empty handed, and doesn't understand that a dick in hand doesn't count as an offering. He'll pull up faded, but won’t bring you nada roach, nada bud, nada parts of the tree he's high on. Not a drop of tequila spared for you to get on his level.
Thinking of those memories enabled me to realize what I wanted from him in the present moment. I wanted to tell him exactly how I felt about him, in the hopes that he would change. Funny thing is I didn't even want him to change for me, but for someone else.
If nobody calls you out on your bluffs and mistakes, you have no idea that you're doing something wrong. Not having the patience or desire to emotionally deal with this man beyond the surface caused me to contribute to his subpar behavior.
There's no way for a man to be aware of how his carelessness makes him unattractive, if you don't tell him about it. I was going toe to toe with Mr. LetDown, instead of actually confronting things that made me uncomfortable about our interaction. It was pointless that he gave me most amount of problems when he required the least amount of time.
So tonight, no matter how good he looks and how great he smells, we're going to have this much needed conversation. I'll be the bigger person and actually address the problems that I have with him, and hopefully I'll gain some resolve for the problems I have within myself.
Now let's just hope he shows up at all.
To be continued...